My True Self
by AkariRedApple
Summary: This is the diary of Machiro Rima and her journey in order to find her true self. Sometimes you just got to get over the tough times and break free !


**Akari: Hey minna-san...Here's a new one-shot for you all because I've finished all of my fanfictions. It will be a sad one because...well to be honest I'm feeling sad so why not? T^T I would tell you why I am, but it'll take too long to write it out. This one-shot will be set out in Rima's diary. I do not own Shugo Chara or any of its characters...**

April 17th 2:55pm. Thursday

Dear Diary~

I wish I could disappear into thin air. No one would miss me, well maybe Amu. But that doesn't change the fact that I really want to run away to where everyone wouldn't exist in my life any more. Life is just so unfair...

I'm in the middle of sport and I'm just sitting behind a tree. It's a good spot where no one will notice me, not that anyone does anyway. I'm just the 'quiet girl who doesn't say or do anything' according to my class.

I'm actually thinking of running away from this town this weekend, I know some people would call me crazy and all of that, but I'm seriously considering it. I mean, Mum is either busy with whatever she does or sleeps consistently, and my sister moved out a few years ago and is busy studying at a fancy university so I never see her any more.

I've never met anyone except them from my family so... In that sense, I guess no one would really miss me. Amu might, but she moved schools a while back, and I got kicked out of the Guardians for 'missing too many meetings' as Tadase lectured me, that's why I don't have any friends any more.

Well, sorry for being so depressing 'person who is reading this' I actually doubt anyone would read about my boring life, but anyway...

Until tomorrow or until something happens, bye.

April 17th 7:32pm. Thursday.

Dear Diary~

There's been a change in plan. I'm going to run away right now instead of it being this weekend. There's no time to think of the consequences, because something terrible just happened. My mum just told me that she never wants to see me again. I didn't even do anything wrong! But that's fine with me, because there's no time like the present.

Here's what happened:

I came back from a boring day at school, and over all I was feeling depressed like always. I walked through the door and found that my mum was arguing on the phone with my sister. I was used to them consistently fighting since that was all they used to do when my sister lived with us. I quietly walked to my room and thought that the best thing to do was to just stay out of it, so I just stayed in my room for about 10 minutes until I heard the sounds of loud footsteps coming down the hallway.

My mum burst into my room with rage written all over her face. "It's all your fault!" She yelled. "You told your sister that I was making your life miserable didn't you?!" I couldn't think of anything to say. I did tell my sister that, but she was the one that asked me about how my life was going. What else was I meant to say?

"Get out!" She yelled, pointing to the door. "I never want to see you again!" I quickly grabbed a backpack that I had prepared this morning as she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me out the house, slamming the door in my face. Tears dripped down my face as I accepted my fate and walked towards somewhere in which I had no idea.

I'm writing this in the entrance of a supermarket, this was the only place dry to sit as it started raining pretty heavily as soon as I left the house. Just my luck huh...

Luckily I had prepared a running away backpack with clothes and a bit of food. But I just wonder how long I'll be able to survive without a house. Let's just wait and see I guess. But for now I need to search for a dry place to sleep for the night. Bye.

April 18th (Not sure what time it is. All I know is that it is morning) Friday.

Dear Diary~

I have survived through the night, just barely. I found a bus stop which had a small roof over the top and I slept there. It was really cold, but I managed just fine. But I'm surprised that someone didn't molest me or something...

I just need to keep walking for now and I don't know...Maybe a miracle will happen and I'll meet a cute boy, fall in love and get married, then I'd have a house.

Haha, that might happen in a manga, but not real life.

Life...

I remember once when I was 10, I asked my teacher what life actually meant, and she told me: "Life is a wonderful thing where all sorts of wonderful, exciting things can happen. Like having fun with friends and falling in love. That's what makes life so exciting"

But I haven't really experienced those things lately. I think about a year ago, when we were all together having fun. Amu, Yaya, Nagihiko, Tadase and me. Maybe then I was living my life? I don't know...

Although, I've never really fallen in love before. Maybe a miracle might happen. But I haven't really had many miracles lately. Just a whole lot of bad luck.

I should probably focus on walking further now so... Bye.

April 18th (Some time in the afternoon) Friday.

After walking for what seemed like a few hours, it finally struck me why I've decided to run away for a while now. It's all because I wanted to find my true self, my 'would be self'

Memories flooded through my mind and I finally remembered what I had forgotten this past year. That's right, my Guardian Chara. What was her name..? It was... I remember, it was Kusukusu~! I remember that fateful day when I lost her; I think that was when I lost control of my life, and starting thinking depressed like this...

It was on that day when I was kicked out of the Guardians. Here's what happened:

After Amu had moved to a different school that was really far away, I lost contact with her and my best friend in the whole world was gone. I had Kusukusu as my only friend, but she disappeared after I got kicked out of the Guardians by Tadase. After that happened, I felt really depressed, and began to forget about my dream of being the best comedian, someone who would make many people laugh, and not being laughed at for the wrong reasons either.

I was devastated that my life was slowly becoming out of my reach, I couldn't control the tears that fell either.

Now that I think about it, ever since last year when that happened, I've been sad ever since. Nothing has changed. But now, maybe I can finally find my would be self once again, then maybe my life will fall back into place, and things can go back to normal.

I can only hope at this point.

I must walk further, towards the future. I think I've actually walked through about 2 towns now, let's just see how much further I can walk.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I think that this whole experience will do me some sort of good. I think.

Bye.

April 19th (In the morning sometime) Saturday.

So here I am, sitting in some random person's house, in a dark attic. I try to remember back to what happened last night but if I do then I start crying. Here's what happened...

It was late last night, I was still walking towards who knows where, I've lost count of the many towns I've walked through. The town that I was walking through was completely empty and dark, so it must have been really late at night. Anyway, I walked past the last house that was in this quiet town and suddenly I hear a really quiet girlish voice. It sounded very familiar. "Your lost aren't you?" The girl spoke from on her front porch of her house. I couldn't make out what the girl looked like, just the outline of her body.

"N-no, I'm not lost..." I spoke back quietly, trying not to freak out. Although I'm pretty sure I was very lost.

"I think you are...Don't lie to me." Her quiet girly voice was replaced with a firm one which made me feel uncomfortable.

Before I could run or reply, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me into her house. It was strange though, all of her lights were turned off, except there was a single candle in each room that we passed. It was so frightening.

"W-wait-" I was cut off as she pushed me into what looked like an attic and shut the door. It sounded like she locked it as well.

I didn't sleep at all since then. I watch through the attic window as the sun came up. Maybe I shouldn't have run away from home, it just seems like this whole thing has been terrible from the start...

"Rima-chan~!" I hear a familiar voice inside of my head.

"Kusukusu?" I whisper.

"It seems like you're in a bit of trouble...Kusususu"

"C-can you help me?"

"Hmmm... I might be able to this one time, but you have to promise me that you'll continue your journey in order to find your would be self. Otherwise I'll never be able to meet you again..."

"I-I promise.." I whisper.

Suddenly a white light surrounds me and before I know it, I'm standing where I was standing before that girl took me into her house.

Without thinking, I run down the street and past the sign that says: "Now leaving"

Tears stream down my face as I whisper, "Thank you..."

April 19th (Mid-day maybe...) Saturday.

All of this morning, I was walking along the highway, and then something amazing was in the distance. I originally thought that I was seeing things, but as I walked closer, I was amazed to see the biggest city that I have ever seen, and at the entrance, I saw the one thing that might bring me closer to being my 'would be self' The Circus.

I excitedly ran towards the circus despite the fact that my legs were aching and the sight of all of the performers that walked into the huge tent made me feel overwhelmed with happiness. As I walked into the entrance, behind a group of performers, I saw a huge security guard stop me in my tracks. "You can't get into here without a ticket little girl" He said as he held out his hand.

"I-I'm sorry, but I was wondering if I could join here, I'm a really good comedian so—"

"Hahaha! Don't make me laugh! A little girl like you couldn't join the circus even if you tried! Come back in 10 years!" He laughed as I sadly walked away.

_Maybe I am too young to join the circus..._

"Kususususu..." I heard a faint laugh that sounded a lot like Kusukusu from behind me. I quickly turned around to see the best friend I had lost such a long time ago. "Kusukusu!" I cried as we both hugged. "I'm so glad to see you!" I smiled.

Kusukusu smiled back and then frowned. "You've given up hope haven't you..?"

"I..I guess so..." I frowned as well.

"I know what you need!" Kusukusu smiled.

"..What?"

"Chara change!" Kusukusu clicked her fingers and a star and tear drop appeared on my face. Without being able to control myself, I ran back towards the Circus with my juggling clubs in both my hands and a huge grin on my face.

"Juggling Party!" I yelled as I threw my juggling clubs in the air and performed a trick for the security guard and the performers that started to watch my act.

About 20 clubs were flying in the air and everyone looked amazed. "That's amazing!" One guy cheered. I felt so incredibly happy, and I realised that my long trip was worth it. Because after that, I was hired by the manager who came to watch and was amazed with my abilities as a clown.

_May 20__th__ 9:30am Friday._

And that was the story of my true self. It's been a month since I was hired to work at the circus. The manager actually told me that I have a really bright future ahead of me and that someday, I'll grow into a professional. He also lets me stay here, and provides my meals each day. I'm just glad that finally my life is falling into place.

I might not write in here anymore, because we have shows nearly every day, so there's always something to practice. So thank you whoever is reading this, not that anyone is anyway!

**Akari: Did you guys like my one-shot! I'm now feeling happy~! Which is good, so now I shall eat some chocolate cake xD Please review, that would be awesome ^^**


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